You’re Trending in my Dreams Page 12

  ‘But trust me, I actually started living when I met all of you. I never enjoyed life before you entered my life. I just felt fundamentally broken, almost non-human. But life is beautiful. I accepted that when Malvika made me realize what true friends are like. Ahana protected me like a sister and Varun, you were with me whenever I needed you. I never had to express my needs to you.

  ‘You may wonder why I don’t just talk to a professional about this. I have no interest in talking about being molested as a child, both because I know it wouldn’t help and because I have no confidence it will remain secret. I know the legal and practical implications of all this. I was scared everything would be made public and I’d be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they’re based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrespect for their word and the privacy of others.

  ‘When Sid sent me the clips, I tried to end my life. People say suicide is selfish. I think it’s selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it’s also a permanent solution to a seventeen-year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I’m just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I’ve tried to deal with this every day for the past seventeen years and I just couldn’t fucking take it any more. But the way you pampered me after my return from hospital helped me regain some of my confidence. Even before that, my confidence was boosted when I spent memorable times with all of you. I consider the three of you as my family and I mean it. I am really grateful that you agreed to help me and take such a big risk. When we got the money, I called my uncle and told him that I am coming. He thought I had given up and was agreeing to sleep with him. He even booked a room in a fancy hotel where he asked me to meet him. I didn’t tell him that I had the money until I reached there. I threw the money on his face and slapped him. The slap was not as hard as the permanent scars he has left on my soul but was enough to make him realize I am not weak any more. Don’t worry; I will take all the blame if the police find us guilty.’

  Varun apologized for being arrogant while Ahana and Malvika comforted Garima and told her all would be okay. Though they were worried about the cops, their attention was focused on Garima. We experience pain to know relief, sadness to know joy, love to know loss, fear to know courage and mistakes to know our strength. Their strength was their togetherness.

  For One Last Time

  You can twist and bend the truth as much as you want, but eventually it’ll all come out. Stress was eating away at the four of them every minute of their lives. How were they to cope with what was happening? They had no clue at all. After Garima’s confession, they were very disturbed and felt extremely sorry for her. To relieve the stress, they went to the fast food centre in Sector 19, Sea Woods. And though it’s easy to try and ‘move on’, it’s extremely tough to divert your mind from a depressing situation.

  ‘I am sorry, Garima; I thought you’d lied to us,’ Varun muttered.

  ‘It’s okay. You’ve all done so much for me. I couldn’t expect more,’ Garima said, trying to smile.

  ‘The primary question still remains—how are we supposed to get out of this trap? Isn’t there a way out?’ Ahana asked.

  ‘There is one solution. But I am not too keen on it,’ Varun opened up.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘My dad. He is a retired army man. I am sure he can help us but I’d rather go to jail than take his help,’ Varun said.

  ‘Oh Varun, just put your ego aside,’ Ahana mumbled.

  ‘You are still so adamant. I told you to forgive him. He must have had his reasons for doing what he did,’ Malvika whispered, holding his hand.

  ‘You think it can work? Everyone except our lab assistant is under interrogation. Once the police get hold of him, we are an easy catch. How can your dad help in this case?’ Garima asked nervously.

  ‘I don’t know. I remember my senior saying don’t get into all this. Yadav is just a small player. The real captain is someone else.’

  Varun wished he had taken the advice seriously and stayed away. The hardest thing is knowing that you are falling apart . . . and realizing that you have lost the thing that holds you together!

  Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable; nobody knows what surprises tomorrow will bring. Thus some words are better said early and some chances taken soon. Despite Varun’s objection, Malvika convinced Ahana and Garima to consult his dad about a solution. Ahana was reluctant in the beginning, fearing Varun’s father would tell her dad too, but later was convinced of the plan. She knew it was better to face reality than ruin one’s image in society by getting arrested. You can Photoshop your profile picture but you cannot change your image once it’s messed up. Garima too agreed to the plan, though she was not sure whether it would really be of any help. They decided not to inform Varun about it until there was no other alternative.

  Ahana took the initiative of calling Varun’s dad but as she wanted to make sure that his dad flew down to Mumbai, she didn’t tell him the real scenario. Instead she told him that Varun was seriously injured. She also requested him not to contact Varun directly or tell him that she had called as Varun was still upset with him. Varun’s dad took the news seriously and immediately booked his ticket to Mumbai. Though they had disputes and continuous fights, he was Varun’s father. The entire time he was worried about what had happened to Varun. It’s never easy for a father to see his son in hospital. No matter how sour the relationship between them might be.

  As soon as he landed in Mumbai, he called Ahana who was already at the airport to receive him along with Garima and Malvika.

  ‘What happened to him? Is he serious?’ Varun’s dad asked in a shaky voice.

  Ahana didn’t answer his question. Instead she politely told him to get in the car. Varun’s dad glanced at Malvika and Garima who were seated at the back. They greeted him with a namaste.

  ‘Will you please tell me? I know I am not a good father. But at least I have a right to know what has happened to my son. Is he no more?’ he asked, fearing the worst.

  ‘Uncle, please don’t say such things. We will tell you the whole story,’ Malvika interrupted from the back seat.

  Ahana too requested him to calm down and drove to Hiranandani Powai where they took him to the Saffron Spice Hotel for a heart-to-heart. Not just Varun’s dad, even the girls were nervous as they knew they had called him under false pretences even though their intentions were clear.

  ‘What will you have, Uncle?’ Ahana asked.

  ‘Why are we here? Please, will you tell me what the matter is?’ Varun’s dad pleaded.

  With a lot of courage, Ahana explained the entire scenario—about how they had leaked the university papers and how badly they were trapped in the situation. However, she didn’t say anything about Garima’s uncle blackmailing her. Malvika added that all those who were included in the scandal were under interrogation and even Varun wanted him to help but didn’t come forward for obvious reasons.

  Varun’s dad was furious on hearing this. His anger was to a certain extent expected and justified. No one dared to speak until he broke the silence.

  ‘Today, I am not angry with you girls. I am angry with myself for not being a good father. Varun is a young man now and I know he wants to do what his heart feels, which is why he cannot understand my views on life. Yes, I wanted him to join the army so that he could learn discipline. I wanted him to be a good human. Unlike me. Nothing I have ever done has given me more joy, and rewarded me as much, than being a father to Varun. The day I found out that he was going to be born was the happiest and scariest moment of my life. You are not given a manual on how to raise a child, but I was going to do everything I could for him. But life changed after Varun’s mom died. All of a sudden she left us, and it left me frus
trated and depressed. The loneliness killed me from the inside. Though we have never talked about it, many a time in his childhood I would hit him, irritated by my suppressed frustration. One of those times stands out sharply in my memory. I think he was about eight. I came home more frustrated than usual. I was about to go to bed. He was throwing a ball in his room, which I had previously told him not to. I heard the crash of broken glass and ran into his room to see that he had just broken a window. I lost it and started hitting him, several times, on his face. I think that was the worst. Afterwards, he was crying and I felt terrible, but I never apologized for my cruel actions.

  ‘Today I want him to know how sorry I am for every time I hurt him. The grief has stayed in my heart for months and years. I have often judged myself a bad father because of that episode alone though there were many more. My fault was that I failed in interacting with my son. I never sat with him and asked him what he sought from life. I never confessed why I would get angry. Of course, my actions were wrong but my intentions were not. No child deserves to be hit by a parent or anyone else. I needed to let him know how upset I felt in each situation. I should have expressed my anger, my disappointment, with words rather than my hands. But I had never learnt that from my own father. What I did to my son I had learnt from him. He used to abuse and hit me. It’s terrible how abuse can get passed down from generation to generation. My greatest hope is that this terrible legacy stops with him. I know he will take time to forgive me but some day when he is a father, I think he will make a better father than I ever did. It’s difficult to judge this from my actions but I love him.’

  The girls were speechless and moved by his pain. They apologized for lying to him.

  ‘We are sorry, Uncle. We didn’t mean to hurt you,’ Malvika cried.

  ‘That’s fine. It’s not your fault, my dear. I am sorry. Anyway, let’s come to the point. When is his next paper?’

  ‘Tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh all right. Do as I say and don’t ask any questions. Call the concerned person and tell him you want to leak tomorrow’s examination paper at your own risk despite the police investigation and would pay him three times the usual amount.’

  ‘The area will be under police surveillance. How will we repeat the act? Isn’t there any other way?’ Ahana questioned.

  ‘No. This is the only way. Just go with it and leave the rest to me. I will handle it my way. Nothing will happen to you guys. But it’s up to you to convince Varun to repeat the whole scene tonight without revealing our plan to him.’

  Ahana, Malvika and Garima agreed to do as he suggested.

  ‘Uncle, one more thing, you can’t stay at our apartment. Sorry. Varun will—’

  ‘That’s fine. I will manage.’

  Ahana apologized once again as they headed towards Sea Woods. Varun’s dad checked in at a nearby hotel after discussing the entire plan with the girls one last time.

  Isn’t it funny how some friends can become family and some family members can become strangers? It’s very important to communicate in any relationship to avoid misunderstandings. Both Varun and his dad had never interacted much and that had created a huge wall between them. However, his dad was here to take a stand and break the wall. But even he was not sure if it was actually possible to save Varun and his friends from such a nasty situation.

  Sometimes we see things that aren’t meant to be seen

  Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem

  Sometimes people just can’t understand

  Why things get out of hand.

  Sometimes life just isn’t fair,

  And sometimes it’s hard to say

  Why things have to be this way.

  Sometimes it’s all you can do to get by,

  Especially when dreams continue to die.

  Sometimes it’s nice to sit in the rain

  Even to just relieve the pain.

  We never know what’s wrong without pain.

  Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

  And sometimes when people get hurt,

  Even the strongest ones may need comfort.

  Varun was thinking about Garima and writing about how life had treated her so cruelly even though she didn’t deserve it. He believed she was one of the strongest people he had met but because she was hurt, she needed comfort.

  Malvika opened the door with her keys and went inside. She had told Ahana and Garima to give her some time alone with Varun so that she could convince him of the plan. Varun was sitting on the beanbag and as Malvika came near him, he pulled her towards himself and kissed her on her neck. However, Malvika pushed him away, saying she was not in the mood.

  ‘What’s wrong? Sex helps in relieving stress.’ He winked.

  ‘There is a serious problem.’

  ‘Now what? We are already fucked. Things can’t get any worse,’ Varun said.

  ‘Something more serious than that. Garima’s uncle has asked for more money. He has threatened her again. But this will be the last time.’

  ‘What the fuck? Garima had said he had deleted the photographs. Now what?’ Varun asked, furious.

  ‘No, he had a few on a pen drive. He has sent them to Garima and asked for another two lakhs after which he will leave her alone.’ Malvika sat beside Varun.

  ‘So?’

  ‘So what? We need to do this again. One last time.’

  Varun stood up in anger. He started yelling at Malvika, telling her she had gone nuts. There was so much chaos in their lives because of that one time they had been involved in that racket and now she wanted them to repeat the same thing. He was strictly against the idea and told her to stay out of it as well. But she didn’t give up. She started using the age-old method of emotional blackmail.

  ‘Baby, please, just for my sake if nothing else. You trust me, right? Do you think I would ever take a wrong decision? Please show some trust in me. I have thought this over.’

  Malvika knew the trick would work and continued to convince him in a seductive tone.

  ‘We will be screwed. I am telling you. Everyone is under interrogation. The police are yet to get hold of Yadav, the lab assistant. Everyone else is being interrogated,’ Varun pleaded.

  ‘This shows you don’t trust me. I mean nothing to you.’ Malvika pretended to cry.

  ‘My princess, it’s not like that. But it’s risky. Anyway, I will do it for you. Where are Ahana and Garima?’

  Sometimes love makes you do things you never intended to, like agreeing to watch P.S. I Love You over The Fast and the Furious. Varun finally gave in. Malvika told him to lure Yadav by telling him that they would give him three times the amount they paid last time.

  Malvika immediately sent a message to Ahana and Garima: The work is done. You both can come home. Varun has been convinced.

  When the girls came back, Varun asked if Garima was all right.

  ‘I hope Malvika told you what has happened,’ she said.

  ‘Ya, she did but Garima, you told us that the photos were—’

  Ahana interrupted Varun and requested him not to ask any further questions as Garima was already completely broken. Varun obeyed and prepared to leave for college to meet the lab assistant. He entered the lab on shaky legs. Somehow with some leftover courage he patted Yadav on the back. Yadav turned to see Varun and panicked.

  ‘What are you doing here? Go away. Somebody will see us together. I request you not to be here at this time. Please, please leave,’ Yadav pleaded.

  ‘I . . . want to . . . You know what I mean. Actually, the thing is . . .’ Varun stammered, trying to get the words out.

  ‘Speak quickly and for God’s sake, leave.’

  ‘I am ready to pay you three times the amount, but I want tomorrow’s paper. Trust me; I will take all the blame if something happens. I assure you that you won’t come under the spotlight. I will be solely responsible for this. I can give it to you in writing. I don’t know how you will do it without your partners but it’s your call. I am r
eady if you are,’ Varun blurted out, still afraid.

  ‘What you’re asking of me is suicidal.’

  ‘Nothing will happen to you. This is my responsibility.’ Varun tried to convince him.

  Yadav made a call to confirm if it was possible to carry out the same transaction. Once he got an affirmative response, he agreed and told Varun to be at the same place and same time.

  The deal was all set. Varun wondered whom Yadav was consulting on phone. Was it the captain? The mastermind behind everything? Anyway, he didn’t care. Ahana, Garima and Malvika were playing along with the plan Varun’s dad had suggested. Varun had blind trust in Malvika and loved her too much to refuse. The lab assistant agreed as he was lured by the promise of more money. Each one was in it for their own reasons. Varun’s dad was the mastermind behind this and he too was playing for the sake of his son. No one knew the end game except Varun’s dad but everyone had agreed to play hoping that it was the last time they would have to!

  It was around 11 p.m. and just as before, all four of them were waiting near the Xerox shop. The shop though was closed as the owner was under interrogation. Varun was nervous that the cops would appear out of nowhere all of a sudden. Ahana, Garima and Malvika were trying to spot Varun’s dad but he was nowhere to be seen. They had taken this step under his guidance. But they hadn’t received a call or further instructions from him, though Ahana had informed him of the time and place. She kept looking at her mobile screen but it showed nothing except her wallpaper. She even tried calling him discreetly but there was no response.