She Friend-Zoned My Love Read online

  SUDEEP NAGARKAR

  She Friend-Zoned My Love

  PENGUIN BOOKS

  Contents

  Prologue

  Dear Diet, Let’s Break Up

  Level College Unlocked

  Leave Me Alone

  Friends, Maybe?

  Sip, Sip, Hooray!

  Follow Your Brain, the Heart Is an Idiot

  Don’t Mess with My BFF

  My Feelings? Oh, Don’t You Worry!

  Not Sad, but Ain’t Happy Either

  To Me, You’re Perfect

  Please Don’t Troll My Heart

  Error 404: Feelings Not Found

  Ego-1, Friendship-0

  It’s Not Funny Any More

  And Then She Said It

  Still, Can She Be Happy?

  But I Still Love You

  Follow Penguin

  Copyright

  PENGUIN METRO READS

  SHE FRIEND-ZONED MY LOVE

  Sudeep Nagarkar is the author of nine bestselling novels. A recipient of the Youth Achievers’ Award, he has also been featured on the Forbes India longlist of the most influential celebrities for three consecutive years. He has given guest lectures at renowned institutes like the IITs and organizations like TEDx. His books have been translated into various languages including Hindi, Marathi and Telugu.

  Sudeep lives in Mumbai. She Friend-Zoned My Love is his tenth book.

  Connect with Sudeep via his:

  Facebook fan page: /sudeepnagarkar

  Facebook profile: /nagarkarsudeep

  Twitter: sudeep_nagarkar

  Instagram: sudeepnagarkar

  By the Same Author

  Few Things Left Unsaid

  That’s the Way We Met

  It Started with a Friend Request

  Sorry, You’re Not My Type

  You’re the Password to My Life

  You’re Trending in My Dreams

  All Rights Reserved for You

  She Swiped Right into My Heart

  Our Story Needs No Filter

  To all those who get trapped in

  the ‘just friends’ zone

  Prologue

  When your love is on the line, it’s not unusual to wake up with an aching heart, your head full of both pleasant and unpleasant memories. Apurv’s mornings had followed a similar pattern ever since his love had left him. Even though he had fallen head over heels for her, she didn’t think of him as anything more than a friend.

  There’s nothing like love, the rousing feeling of first love, he often thought during their initial interactions.

  He had had his eyes on countless girls before he met her. Desperate to get into a relationship since his high-school days, he had spent hours on Facebook scrolling through their social media profiles. He even stood in front of their houses, just to catch a glimpse of them. This had continued when he joined junior college earlier this year. However, despite his consistent attempts, nothing seemed to make a difference and tubes of Fair & Handsome went to waste.

  A dejected-looking Apurv was chatting on the phone with his best friend Sia.

  ‘You are acting like last night wasn’t good enough.’

  ‘Please stop it.’

  ‘Do you want me to sympathize? I am your best friend. It doesn’t come naturally to me.’

  Even though Apurv was clearly stressed, she continued to mock him relentlessly.

  ‘It’s been two weeks, three days and fourteen hours,’ he murmured.

  This obsessive attention to the time since their last call was because she had mysteriously disappeared after hanging up. It was around eleven at night when Apurv received a call from her asking him to pick her up. Although he had no clue of her whereabouts, he had sneaked out of his house on his Vespa without thinking twice.

  ‘Where are you? I have just arrived,’ he had said on the phone on reaching the location she had mentioned. Parking his Vespa on the side stand and taking off his helmet, he sat on the seat scanning the area.

  ‘I am not 100 per cent sure but I think I am at the Andheri bus depot.’

  Her response had confused Apurv because he was at the same location. Shortly after that, she had told Apurv that her phone battery was low, and before Apurv could receive her location on WhatsApp, her phone died. After the bizarre phone call, he had driven around the area, showing her picture to passers-by, asking if they had seen anyone like her. She had told him where she was moments ago, and then she had simply vanished. Since this incident, no one had seen her. Phone calls went unanswered and she stopped coming to college. Her voice remained etched in his memory and he often replayed their last discussion in his mind.

  It was one of those muggy days when the stars were in hiding, blanketed by the thick city smog. Apurv sat in the corner of his dimly lit room, thinking about her smile. The broken lamp, the dying bulb that flickered hopelessly, the torn photographs and the empty glass of beer were all witness to his heartbreak.

  ‘Your mind seems to be paralysed. We haven’t done anything apart from discuss her for the past few days. You should get a life,’ Sia said as she tried hanging up on him. His constant cribbing was getting on her nerves.

  ‘It wouldn’t have mattered this much if she kept attending classes regularly. What frustrates me is that none of the shopkeepers near her house recall seeing her ever.’

  ‘She vanished faster than a Bollywood star kid’s acting career. No, faster than a married man on discovering his secretary’s pregnancy test results.’

  ‘This is not a joke. Who was she and what was the purpose of her lies? After speaking to the shopkeepers, I decided to knock on her door and see for myself. I knew exactly where she lived because I had dropped her home once. But even her address turned out to be false. She never lived there. The man who opened the door thought I was trying my luck on his daughter and kicked me out.’

  ‘Apurv, you are stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Everything will return to normal with time. I understand that you are going through a rough patch but overthinking will only make it worse.’

  ‘Do you think she did it intentionally?’

  ‘Only she can answer that question. I don’t understand why this is affecting you so much. As far as I know, she was not your girlfriend. I know you had feelings for her but she never treated you as anything more than a friend. Then why are you still stuck on her?’

  ‘She was not just a friend.’

  ‘Whatever.’

  ‘Was she conning me?’

  ‘No. She was a mistake. Get over it.’

  ‘I don’t want to feel like a loser again,’ Apurv was dejected.

  Sia disconnected the call in frustration.

  His parents were out of town for the weekend and he had locked himself in his room with her memories. He played their favourite song on repeat till he could take it no longer. Then he turned to what helped him cope with the pain the best. By the end of the night, there was a collection of liquor bottles at the foot of his bed.

  As he scrolled through her profile on Facebook, he came across a post that suddenly made sense to him.

  Never be dependent on one person because if they fail to be by your side, you will lose all your strength. You’ll be buried under the weight of it all, waiting for that one person to pull you up. If they fail to show up, you’ll be crushed. Learn to make your scars your strength instead.

  He was so overcome with emotion that he proceeded to smash the wind chime that was tinkling half-heartedly. It was, after all, a gift from her. He often hoped that destroying the tangible memories associated with her would lessen his pain, but the harder he tried, the worse it got.

  How could someone who had hurt him so much still be on his mind? Was the smile that he fell
for not innocent but misleading? He felt like he was dealing with a coin with heads but no tails, chasing after probabilities and delusions. At that moment, it wasn’t about his unrequited love, it was about her identity. Surely he could not make up such a beautiful face. But then who was the girl whose absence had shattered him? What had happened to her all of a sudden? Was she safe in the darkness of the city? The only person who had kept him sane these past few days was Sia.

  Dear Diet, Let’s Break Up

  ‘Sia, that’s not for you. Your salad is over there.’

  ‘What difference is one bite going to make?’ Sia was pissed off because of the never-ending dietary restrictions her mom had put in place.

  ‘No means no.’

  ‘Fine, I don’t want to eat anything.’ She pushed her chair back in anger and stormed into her bedroom, locking the door behind her.

  Sia’s mom had made chole bhature for her dad but she was not allowed to touch it. As usual, her food was served separately as instructed by a distant relative who was a dietician. Sia absolutely hated this so-called health food because it tasted like shit to her. Ever since she was a kid, she loved to eat no matter how she was feeling. When she was depressed, food made her feel better, and when she was happy, food made her happier.

  However, everyone in her life made her feel bad about being overweight. Relatives would constantly comment and strangers would stare at her whenever she stepped out of her house. Gradually, she started believing that no one liked her and lost her confidence. She absolutely hated how her parents had restricted her diet.

  Despite her mother constantly knocking on her bedroom door, she went to sleep hungry. She woke up in the middle of the night with a growling stomach. She placed her hands on her belly, her fingers forming a triangle. This, according to her, silenced the growling. But unable to take it any longer, she went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips, a plate of cookies and the chole bhature. Placing all the food on her bedside table, she got into bed and put on her favourite Netflix show.

  She was awake when her alarm rang. Smacking the clock out of habit, she changed into her uniform. She then rushed outside because she liked reaching school early.

  Her mother’s eyes roamed over her body in disgust. Sia was about to head out, her lunch box in hand, when her parents made her sit down at the dining table.

  ‘Did you sneak into the kitchen last night?’ her mom sounded stern.

  ‘Mom, I was hungry. Do you want me to die of hunger?’

  ‘You could have eaten the salad I made for you instead of throwing it into the trash.’

  ‘I hate the health food you give me, Mom. I don’t feel like eating it at all. Is that so difficult for you to understand?’ Sia banged her fist on the table and got up to leave, which is when her dad ordered her to sit.

  ‘What have you decided to do after school?’

  ‘I don’t understand. Where did this discussion about my career come from? I thought we were still arguing over last night’s dinner.’ Sia was surprised. ‘My board exams are still a year away. I hope you are aware . . .’ She thought about giving him a reality check but that’s something that shouldn’t be tried in front of an Indian parent.

  ‘Don’t try to act smart with me. I am your dad and not vice versa.’

  A typical reply from a dad! As if I don’t know who is who, thought Sia.

  ‘I want to be a fashion designer.’

  ‘Wow, a fashion designer? Every day we get to hear about your weight from colleagues, neighbours and relatives. I hope you realize that this will affect your marriage prospects. Now we have to deal with this additional fashion designing drama. Is this why we are trying so hard to get you admission to one of the best science colleges? Sorry, we are not ready for this gimmick of yours.’

  ‘Dad, we don’t live in a village where people have never heard of fashion designing. Also, I never asked you to get me admission to a science college. You are both forcing me, along with that idiotic lady with the aptitude test who said I was good at science.’

  ‘You won’t understand right now. You are still a kid.’

  A standard reply from parents when they don’t have answers to your questions, thought Sia with irritation.

  ‘No, Dad. I am not. And how are weight and marriage related? Should marriage be my only goal in life? If that’s the case, how does it matter if I choose science, commerce or arts?’

  ‘Of course they are related. If you stay overweight, no one will marry you,’ her mom said. ‘We are a simple family. Things like fashion designing are not for us. Look at how focused your friend Amyra is. She has already decided to take science after school. At least take some inspiration from her.’

  It’s annoying when you are criticized for your decisions early in the morning. However, what’s even more annoying is when your friend is praised for hers and only you know the truth. All you can really do is nod and agree.

  ‘Can I just live my life normally, Mom?’ Sia knew she would never win an argument with her parents.

  ‘Of course you can. But being fat is not normal.’

  Sia stormed out without saying a word.

  She knew she wanted to be a fashion designer but she had almost been convinced to take science by her parents. She could still pursue a fashion designing course after higher secondary school. After all, she just needed some time to make them understand. They had a lot of misconceptions about the world of fashion because of the movies that they had seen. It was her passion and she wanted to show the world that she could be successful at it. All she wanted from her parents was their support. Even if they weren’t satisfied with her appearance, she wanted them to support her choice of career.

  Her weight was another problem. Because of her parents and the kids at school, she had lost the confidence to interact with people which was essential if she wanted to be a fashion designer. She hated it when people called her fat; she would cover up by laughing along. She hated that she couldn’t wear certain types of clothes despite her love for designing them. She also hated how she was required to suck in her stomach while taking pictures.

  Most of all, she hated to think that she would never have a love life because boys weren’t interested in girls her size. She was fifteen and most of her friends had already kissed or were in relationships. No boy would look past all the skinny girls. She thought it was unfair how men with beer bellies were never criticized for their appearance, but as soon as a girl was slightly chubby, it was the end of the world. The only person in school who never commented on her weight was Amyra. Although she wasn’t very close to her, she liked her a lot. There was just one minor issue. Amyra was insanely beautiful and Sia had a crush on Ishaan, who happened to be Amyra’s boyfriend.

  ‘Amyra! Wake up, you lazy girl!’

  Amyra groaned at her younger sister’s voice. She opened her eyes and looked at her watch.

  ‘Nivi, I still have over an hour till school starts. You should go study.’ She waved her arms around, hitting Nivi on the face.

  ‘You don’t want to be late on the first day of the week, do you?’ Amyra’s mom yelled.

  Full of life, Amyra believed in spreading happiness and positivity. Many of the girls at school envied her because the boys would drool over her. The boys would stay away from her on Raksha Bandhan and run after her on Friendship Day. She never cared about what people thought of her clothes and the way she carried herself. She loved to flaunt her looks like most teenage girls and didn’t mind a few stares. She enjoyed making people feel comfortable in their own skin. It was her inner beauty and kindness that made her even more desirable. By making people feel happy with what they had, she made them feel important. Being in her company was like being warmed by the sun’s rays, regardless of the weather.

  Amyra was not a morning person at all and getting up for school was no less than a Roadies task for her.

  As her mom yelled, she realized that she had planned to meet Ishaan and Pihu before school. After getting dressed in a hurry,
she reached school only to find that Ishaan was yet to arrive. For the next half an hour, she wandered around—the only person on campus apart from her was the schoolkeeper. She would have passed the time on her phone if only she was allowed to carry it with her. She hated school rules for this particular reason. However, she hated Ishaan and Pihu more than the rule book because they never followed any.

  ‘Hi, baby,’ Ishaan greeted her after he finally arrived.

  ‘Hey, Ishaan. You are so early today,’ she said sarcastically, feeling proud of herself for getting there first.

  ‘Amyra, I am so sorry,’ he began but Amyra cut him off.

  ‘Ishaan, we decided to come early and study for the upcoming exams. It’s the first day and you are half an hour late. I have been walking around aimlessly waiting for you. Even Pihu is not here and her mom said she had left for school. I don’t know where she has disappeared. Everyone must think I am a lunatic loner. How could you do this to me?’ She raised one eyebrow and waited for an excuse which was probably going to be stupid.

  ‘I am really sorry. I slept late yesterday and completely forgot we were supposed to meet early. I jumped out of bed as soon as I remembered our plan. I promise I’ll make it up to you.’ He gave her a puppy-dog look.

  As she stared at him, she didn’t see the Ishaan that every girl fell for. The Ishaan every girl fell for was always well dressed in an ironed uniform, polished shoes and nicely done hair that complemented his smile. The Ishaan in front of her was very different. His unkempt hair fell over his eyebrows, and his red-rimmed eyes and scruffy uniform showed that he had hardly slept. Amyra couldn’t help but smile at the naughty thought that popped into her head.

  ‘You’re forgiven,’ she assured him with a hug.

  There seemed to be no one else on campus and Ishaan pulled her close to kiss her.

  ‘Lovebirds, I am sorry to interrupt you.’ Pihu had finally reached school.